My husband has been paying attention to what I have been trying to do on here (Facebook) to raise money, has seen all the tears I have tried to hide from him when crying from the negative and cruel responses I have received on here and he created a ‘donor’ page for me.
All the information is in the link. If you cannot contribute, would you please mind sharing, maybe someone else can.
Thank you so very much!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 12,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 20 years to get that many views.
Photos taken by Bekr (Bipolar Girl) a 37-year-old woman who lives in Nevada with her husband and two fur babies. She always knew she was “different.” She was diagnosed with depression as a teenager, then finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in her 20′s, along with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. She has also been a self harmer.
Photos taken by Bekr (Bipolar Girl) a 37-year-old woman who lives in Nevada. She always knew she was "different." She was diagnosed with depression as a teenager, then finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in her 20's, along with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. She has also been a self harmer. It has been a real struggle and she thinks it is a miracle she is alive, but she believes her guardian angel was definitely looking after her for a reason - and she believes that reason is to advocate for mental illness, and help others feel not so alone in this journey we call life.
Yay!! Thank you for the nomination De Bie Hive Go check her out!! She totally rocks!
My first award! I am so excited! I started this blog in hopes of helping others, proving hope, educating and advocating for mental health. Then came my photography and all sorts of other stuff. You would have never guessed how much I detested writing when I was in high school! 
I didn’t ever think I would be doing it for “fun”.
Here are the rules:
There’s a moment in the movie Star Trek: First Contact where the android Data, who has recently acquired an emotion chip, begins to experience fear as he’s part of an assault team tracking down the alien Borg.
He turns to Captain Picard and describes the feeling as intriguing. Picard suggests that those emotions might be distracting at such a crucial time.
OK, so you may have just found out that someone you know and love is harming themselves. Cutting or burning their skin, banging their head, maybe even overdosing on sedative medications.
I am going to out myself today as one of these people.
Here’s some things you need to know:
1. Self-harm is different from suicide
Most people doing some or all of the above do not intend to kill themselves.
This was my hair in December. Brown, with pink and purple extensions
Here is my hair in February. Red
My hair March. Red with pink highlights (I should have left it alone here. This one is my favorite)
A week later. I added Pink
A couple days later. I added Purple
And NOW
Black. There is still a slight purple tint to it. (not visible in this pic)
So I guess I will keep it this way for a while. It’s already starting to fall out. I guess this is what happens when you are extremely bored. At least, it happens when I am bored.
Anyone else out there change their hair all the time? This is the most I have done within this time frame. I usually keep it for a couple of months, then change it. Not sure what got into me this month. I suppose there is something deeper that I need to be dealing (handling) with, huh?!?
Until next time!
My husband and I decided years ago, that it would be in my (our) best interest not to have children. He completely agreed with this decision. I probably could have not had a child anyway. So I had a tubal ligation 4 years ago. While I still think it was the best decision, sometimes I feel cheated and robbed of that choice. Then I get over it. I will always know deep down inside that it was the best decision. Yes, sometimes I get sad and feel that emptiness in my heart, an emptiness that will never be filled. But that is okay. It is for the better. I know how I am. There is no way I could handle a baby. I KNOW THIS!!!
So my point here is… stop telling me that it would be different because it would be my child. I get told by so many people, that it would be different, that I would have that patience and everything else “required” to be a mother. I am not saying I would be a bad mother, I am saying I am NOT mother material. I never really liked children anyway. I know me! The people that tell me this, DO NOT know me. Just because it may have been different for you, does not mean it would be different for me. The decision has been made. The option is not there anymore. So quit making me feel like shit and say that. Most of the time, I blow it off, because I know I made the right choice. But, yes, sometimes, it bothers me. Because it starts to make me think…. “hmmmm… maybe I could handle a baby???” But again, I KNOW I could not. I can barely handle my husband!
I have 2 babies, and those are my doggies. They are my children, and them I can handle. They will never yell at me or make me feel like shit. They will love me unconditionally.
Another reason I (we) chose not to have any children was because I did not want to pass my bipolar gene down. I would not want to put another person here to have to go through what I have gone through. Yes, life can be wonderful and beautiful and all of that crap. But it’s so difficult. So why bring someone else here to suffer?
I know many may disagree with this choice. But it was/is my choice to make, not yours. I am the one that has to live with it, and I am okay with that.
The needle ever so gently pierced right into my vein
So effortlessly
I felt nothing
No fear, no pain
The dark thick red blood made its way out of my arm
Danced its way down into the cup
Drip… drip… drip goes the blood
Drip… drip… drip
No pain, no fear
Just me
coming out of my body
So effortlessly
So sensually
I was connected with my being
With all of me
All of my senses
I wanted more blood
I wanted to bathe in it
But that would require much more blood
and I do not know how much I could lose without
passing out, or passing on
Which is not the intention.
I feel nothing
yet everything right now
I think I like this feeling
I’m here, yet not
Where am I?
I’m floating, yet completely still
What is this I am feeling?
Serenity
Peace
Drunk with images of my blood.
Oh vein of mine
that has always protruded
making itself known
calling out to me
calling out for me
I heard you
I’ve been listening
and finally, tonight
we became one
You are me
and I am you
I understand now
Completely
I can’t wait for us to meet again
to be one
To see your beauty
You were so beautiful
Dark, thick, pure, so red, so perfect
flawless
