UPDATE to last post:
I did not end up getting hospitalized. My husband took FMLA to stay with me and watch after me. I have been taking my medications as prescribed. I am not really feeling any better. The house has not been cleaned in over 1 month. I did manage to clean the bathrooms, because ewwwww. I have lost interest in most things. I stay in bed most of the time. I go 3 days without a shower. I don’t eat much. My husband does eventually force me to eat and shower. I have been wanting to write this post forever, but have not had the energy. It feels like all of my energy has been zapped out of me. I feel like a puppet hanging on the side of the door. I do not find amusement in anything anymore. I am just here. Every now and then, yes, I will laugh here and there and feel “human”, but otherwise I feel like a waste of space. I don’t feel useless though. I have not lost all hope, but it seems to be slowly fading away. A good thing is that I have not self harmed in the form of cutting or burning. I have had piercings, which has been my own form of self harm. That is what has kept me from cutting and/or burning or anything else.
My husband is doing the best he can, but I am not making it easy for him. I do appreciate him doing this for me very much. He is my angel.
I know what I need to do to get better, but doing it is another story. Getting the energy and motivation to do what I need to do seems impossible, although I know how easy it is. I could just force myself to do things, which I have. I have done the laundry, and other things. I just need to keep forcing myself to do things until I get back into a ‘normal’ routine. So easy, yet so difficult. I am sure most of you know this.