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Sanity


I declared today to be ‘sane’ Saturday on my Facebook page. And discussed ways I cope with trying to maintain sanity, and asked others what they do/how they cope. I guess I had an underlying cause for this topic. I feel like I’m losing it.
The aftermath of having surgery has never been a good experience for me. A few days after surgery, I usually crash and end up in a deep depression or psychosis. This time is not any different.
I had surgery on Wednesday, had my tendons repaired on my left hand. I was okay the rest of the day and part of Thursday. Then I noticed I started rapid cycling. I have been taking painkillers (Percocet) along with my regular meds. They are not reacting very well together. I haven’t been getting much sleep. Last night, for the first time ever, I had auditory and visual hallucinations. It was scary and odd. I was hearing all sorts of conversations, in English, Spanish and other languages I don’t know fluently. They were extremely loud. I was also seeing people, I was surrounded by these people that were having conversations. I don’t think they were talking to me, they were going about their own business, I was sort of just “there”. It was like I was a ghost in a crowded room or I was alive in a room full of vivid ghosts. It felt so real. I think it was the combination of lack of sleep and painkillers that brought this on.
I ended up having to go to sleep while listening to music, to get rid of the voices.
I didn’t get much sleep last night either, maybe a few hours. I feel exhausted, yet energetic, and very weak/fragile. I’m just going to take it easy and go with the flow. I am going to try to take a nap.
I am not suicidal, nor a danger to myself as of right now. Not thinking of self harming. I just feel kind of confused and lost… in a haze…

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3 thoughts on “Sanity

  1. talk to the doctor about a new pain killer… i have had the same issues with some of the meds i take… can cause you to hear and see things.

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